Solving Marital Conflicts Fast

The excitement of being engaged and of planning a wedding can quickly turn into marital conflict once the events of the wedding ceremony and honeymoon fade into the rigors of daily living. Learning to solve marital conflicts fast is an important process in achieving the blessings of a long term happy marriage.

Mary and John were considered the perfect couple of the year when they were married in a small but picturesque chapel in Santa Monica two years ago. Annie was a 24 year old career girl while Glenn was on his way to becoming a successful lawyer.

That was then when they were still carefree individuals who got involved in their relationship for a little fun and companionship. Marriage has made a very big difference in their lives. It seems to have ruined what they call the magic of being together.

Both have attained their career goals. Mary now writes her own column in a business magazine while John has been recruited by a top notch law firm. Their careers are going great; their marriage however is another story.

Both are so busy with their own lives that they seem to have started growing apart. Most of their hours are spent at work, and on the rare occasions they see each other, they spend much of it in an unpleasant shouting match.

Mary and John’s dilemma is not uncommon with many married couple; in fact it is the rule rather than the exception. Married couples sometimes wonder why they are capable of doing things that hurt their spouse, despite the fact that they love each other.

It is true when they say it is the person you love the most that can hurt you the most. This is true for most married couple who have not yet found a way to settle their differences and live with their then.

Arguments are part and parcel of being married but it is up to the couple to find ways to lessen the frequency and the intensity of the argument. Sometimes, couples think having the same argument over and over again is a normal thing in marriage. Of course, it is a normal thing but it should not be normal at all. Couples should be able to work out their differences.

Common sources of conflict among married couples:

It is hard to live with another person because each one has his own personality and each person was brought up by their families differently. Conflicts arise when two personalities and two ways of life merge – each one wanting to be dominant.

The main reason married couples have arguments is because they are two different people forced to live physically together, regardless of their quirks and personality. Unless you are a boring creature who does not want surprises, then you would find it fun to live with a person who is just like you and so predictable that you do not even speak to each other because one is aware of what other is thinking. Others believe differently, believing that when two people are so alike there is no need for the other.

But there are specific issues that are pointed to as the common source of conflict and argument among married couples.

1. Money – Money is the number one cause of conflict. Who does not need money? Of course everyone does, and the lack of a excess of financial means will always serve as a launching pad for conflict. A couple who does not have enough money will have conflicts with budgeting and managing their finances. On the other hand, a couple who have plenty of resources will still quarrel over how the money is being spent.

2. Jealousy – A jealous lover adds sizzle to romance but when jealousy goes overboard it can make your married life miserable. A little jealousy will help make the relationship exciting but too much of it will alienate one spouse from the jealous spouse. People who have jealous spouses tend to curtail their emotional and intellectual development.

3. Sex – Having a good understanding of each others sexual desires and needs can be extremely important for many couples. The lack or excess of sexual activity is a frequent source of conflict for married couples. Couples who have the same sexual preferences are lucky. For most couples incompatibility of their sexual desires is often the underlying reason for conflicts that are manifested in other ways.

4. In-laws – There are couples who incessantly quarrel just because of domineering in-laws who are interfering with the marriage. A couple may be living away from the in-laws but there are ways in-laws manage to ruin the marriage. It is really up to the spouses to inform their own families about the limitation that are to be observed to keep the marriage healthy and far from in-laws interference.

5. Responsibility – Who is in charge of cleaning the house? Who is in charge of paying for the monthly bills or the groceries? These are little things that boil down to the delegation of responsibilities between the spouses. It is good when spouses talk about who should be responsible for all the things necessary to keep the marriage on an even keel.

There are other sources of conflict, most of them originating from the basic sources of conflict. Couples should be aware of the things that cause conflict between them so they can find a common solution to those conflicts. Being aware of conflicts and confronting them the as soon as possible will help the marriage and will avoid recurrence of such conflicts later on.

Couples who have recurring conflicts and make no real effort to resolve them are couples who are headed for trouble with their marriage.

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