Archives: 2009 May

Men like to think of themselves as dragon slayers. Husbands are always there to help their wife in problems. Most men usually bring home the paycheck and enjoy the feeling of being the prime provider.  They’ve made sure the home is nice, the family is clothed and food is on the table.

Your home is always tidy and you can sit and relax in front of tv without any worries. Or, better yet, stop by the men’s club (or local bar) and swap stories with the guys. Do not call the wife. She’s too busy to talk anyway while taking care of the kids and getting dinner ready.  Everything is fine and as it should be.

If you’re a husband and this sounds familiar, you might want to take stock of how your marriage is doing. Since when are you following this routine?  Is this how it was from day one of your marriage or did you gradually slip into this scenario and it felt so good you didn’t want to change. 

Yeah, the wife complained once in a while, but what wife didn’t? You may have been there physically for the little woman but emotionally you were somewhere else. A good marriage requires both partners to be there for each other physically and emotionally.

Maybe it’s time to reinvent your marriage relationship and make it a success with shared happiness and responsibilities. Give some time to your wife and ask her if she is happy and what she wants from you. Don’t talk to your wife but talk with her. Communication is a two way conversation with each listening to the other’s points of view.

We’ve all heard the phrase that a good man is hard to find. It may also ring true for a good marriage. At least one out of every two marriages will end in divorce and many of those that remain are filled with unhappiness. You say to yourself, that isn’t going to happen to me. I will always have a perfect and happy marriage.

Early on, you may feel as though there will never be any marriage problem in your life. Passion is high and many problems thus far have been resolved in the bedroom. That unfortunately will change and you’ll float back down to earth and be faced with planting both feet firmly on the ground. Arguments are a common occurence in every relationship but you need to sort them out and support each others point of view.

Reality has a strange way of becoming well, reality. You think that you will always give due respect to each others feelings and will not let health issues or money problems come in between your relationship. This is all part of life, love and marriage and successfully dealing with these problems can lead you to a life of fulfillment.

How do you define a happy marriage? What seems good for one marriage can be a distress for another. See around at your parents’ and your friends’ marriage and see if they seem happy to you. Would you settle for a marriage like theirs? Talk to others and find out what are the problems in their marriage. 

In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be
traced back to communication problems. Individuals in marriages will often retain their sense of frustration and anger for very long periods of time.

When feelings go unexpressed, they can pile up and eventually poison the relationship.  These repressed feelings can cause the most inconsequential of troubles to explode into huge problems.

You must be both present and attentive if you want to communicate effectively. It takes a full committment top listening with your ears and also with your heart. You want to eliminate any blocks that prevent you and your partner from growing in understanding and
intimacy.

It is important to remember that communiation is a two-way process.  The concern you show for your spouse’s feelings, even when you are mad, can make all the difference.  Your spouse will think that you do not care about them if you do not pay attention to what they are saying.  And nobody likes to feel ignored, especially by the person they love.

Communication blocks are anything that you do, both verbally
or non-verbally, to keep you from connecting deeply with
another person. Some examples of communication blocks in
marriage are:

* Sighing deeply and loudly when your spouse is sharing his/her
viewpoint;

* Not making eye contact and not giving your partner your undivided attention;

* Becoming defensive and angry immediately instead of showing your partner the respect of hearing him/her out;