Stop the Fighting in Your Marriage
While every marriage involves a unique set of circumstances, every marriage will also at some point encounter some very common problems.
Over time, the excitement of your new marriage starts to vanish and you and your partner will begin to argue.
You’ll notice that fights will happen more regularly then they have done so in the past, and usually regarding little things that you would have imagined pointless before.
You may fight about tasks that need doing, or who’s turn it is to take out the trash or take the dog for a stroll – hoever these small disagreements can lead to much larger battles.
These include fights that can create resentment, anger, and enough strife to lead to the end of a marriage.
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In order to short circuit the conflict, you have to alter your behavior. If you really want to revive the loving atmosphere that was present when you said ‘I do,’ here are some strategies to help you and your spouse learn how to call a truce.
Avoid Serious Conflict
Who hasn’t heard the advice ‘don’t go to bed angry’ or ‘don’t walk out on a fight’? It’s regularly suggested as the “secret” to a happy marriage But the fact of the matter is that sometimes exactly what people need is a cooling off period.
There is an old saying that you shouldn’t go to bed upset, when this relates to marriage this is absolutely wrong.
You may go to bed angry, but the chances are when you wake up the following morning everything will appear in a new light, you’ll have in most instances calmed down enough to think clearly.
You don’t necessarily have to leave it a whole night, in some cases just walking away for 20 minutes can avoid a serious row, returning and discussing the issue in a more stable way and not just screaming and insulting each other.
Make The Choice
Much marital fighting comes from the fact that you have actively chosen to fight.
Too often, a conflict with our spouse becomes more about being right than about whatever the original issue was supposed to have been. It can become about winning, rather than working things out. Sadly, it’s too easy to accept the ‘win at all costs’ mindset with your spouse.
Marriage is not about winning. As a matter of fact, when one person ‘wins,’ both parties lose. You didn’t get married to win or to be right. You got married because you wanted to be a joined unit; you pledged to be on the same team. Don’t lose sight of that.
Humor can often diffuse a fight. Crack a joke to disperse tension. Show your vulnerability rather than your defensive side. Anger begets anger. But if your response to your partner’s anger is humor, love, or emotional disclosure, anger cannot escalate itself.
Very often, realizing how hurt and upset your spouse is will cause your own anger to melt away. You can then regroup to focus on the issue at hand and resolve it.
Ask For Help
Sometimes we need an objective observer to help us sort things out. Therapy is often a means to learn the tools we need as a couple to put our fighting aside.
Sessions with a therapist will be calm and controlled, each person will be able to express their opinion without the fear of it turning into an arguments
This can be vital in getting to the root of a problem, a successful marriage revolves around communication.
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Abstain From Recrimination
Instead of charging at your spouse with “you never” or “you always”, or even just “you did this,” invite them to sit with you calmly.
Before you speak, take a moment to gather what you want to say.
You’ve heard it before: ‘it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.’ Nothing could be more true in a marriage. Don’t get so comfortable with your spouse that you think it’s fine to simply say hateful things and your spouse is supposed to just get over it. If you really want to stop fighting all the time, then take steps to change how you come across.
Refrain from accusing your spouse or nagging them. Let go of the need to be the superior party in the marriage. Do not let yourself make petty statements like ‘I had to remind you, yet again!’.
The tone of your voice should not be angry, or bitter, as this will only harm the conversation.
Rather, keep your voice calm and even. Ask your spouse questions and really hear what they have to say in return instead of merely waiting to interject with your reasons why they are wrong and you are right.
From here, you can try to create an answer to your problems, and find a compromise that can suits both of you.
As someone who needs to know how to stop marriage fighting, you should be willing to take a portion of the blame.
One person cannot fight by themselves.
You must be committed to controlling your own anger and admitting your faults. You have to take responsibility in order for your marriage to grow rather than wither in the shadow of the fighting.
The only way to truly circumvent divorce court is to keep the connection between you and your spouse concrete. All marriages have their peaks and valleys. That’s life. You must learn to weather those times and emerge even stronger on the other side. One way to do that is to learn how to have conflict appropriately. Doing so will reduce the fighting and let loving gestures to return to your home.
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